Cambodia

Entering into the country of Cambodia is the easiest thing I've done aside from closing my eyes and welcoming sleep. On the drive I had a strong feeling that I've been here before, and I don't know what that means yet, but the overwhelming feeling of familiarity made me feel at peace.
When I arrived in Phnom Penh at the busy bus station, I locked eyes with a sweet tuk tuk driver and had him take me to the Lazy Fish Guesthouse. When I arrived I smelled marijuana, and noticed all the lazy stoners strewn about watching Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. What the...? I entered the community porch overlooking a gorgeous view of the lake, and saw a beautiful sunset. There are no mountains, and I've never in my life seen a place so flat and expansive.
I checked into my $3 room and showered. After getting some food and a tall beer, I finally relaxed some. I started to notice the energy of the guests, the staff, and the city in general, and the energy felt really dark. The energy made me feel uncomfortable and anxious. I had a strong intuition that this city is full of pain. I thought of rape and pedophilia, and became disgusted and upset. I realized all of these people were trying to numb out because they felt it too.
I went to sleep early after finishing my new Paul Coelho book.
I arranged the same tuk tuk driver to take me around the following day and show me the sites. I couldn't understand where he wanted to take me, but he understood that I wanted to experience the culture since I had only just arrived. The first place he took me was to the Museum of Genocide, which I didn't know until I walked in. The lady said: "$2 USD," and handed me a pamphlet. I read where I was and what it entailed. It used to be a school but was turned into a prison when the Khmer Rouge took over and threw everyone out of the town. This is where they tortured 12,000 educated men and women before killing them there or on the killing fields. The museum holds instruments of torture and photographs of the dead, some clearly showing how they died (the most shocking being the guy who's stomach was cut out while alive, so the guards could eat his liver). The women's block had barbed wire covering the entire outside to ensure the women didn't commit suicide after being raped by the guards. Since they didn't want to waste bullets, the babies were impaled on a large bloody spike. When I read this information I asked myself what I wanted to gain from my experience in Cambodia. How I would choose to inform myself about the culture and history. Now, I know this existed, and after visiting the war museum in Saigon/Hochimin city I am aware of the gruesome reality of war, and the after effects of Agent Orange 2 generations later, but I did not want to pay money to experience this gore!
I walked out to my tuk tuk driver and told him this is not what I want out of my experience in Phnom Penh. I will not pay money for this! He nodded and took me to the Nat'l museum where I looked at paleolithic art from 6-13th cen. art salvaged from the temples. It was interesting to learn about the Indian influence in art and religion. I didn't know that Cambodian's worshiped Vshnu and Siva.
After lunch I'm going to visit the Grand Palace and then head back to Lazy Fish and kill time with my new book(motorcycle diaries), and chat with some random people until sleep time. I have to be ready for my 6:30 a.m. departure to Siem Reap. Angkor Wat awaits! I've got to get the... out of this city!

25/06/2008
I'm in Siem Reap, only 6 km away from Angkor Wat. I will wake up early and explore the site,
and then I will decide whether or not I still feel I need to leave Cambodia a.s.a.p. I'm so excited to be able to see Angkor! :D I've been waiting a long time for this opportunity.

I miss Mark... sigh. He's my rock. No matter what I experience with other people or through my travels I still think of him fondly. I still want it to be him.
am i crazy? no, I don't think so. He let me go.